Bravely Connected

Have you found yourself avoiding hard conversations?

It’s human nature to steer clear of tough conversations. Fear of being punished or feeling shame can drive us to avoid these difficult moments instead of bravely facing them head-on. Yet, there are times when it’s essential to confront issues, especially when someone hasn’t taken responsibility or there’s a lingering sense of disrespect. Avoiding these conversations only fosters disconnection.

Our Current Trust Deficit

We live in a world where trust seems to be in short supply. We’ve lost sight of how to build the kind of trust that allows us to say, “I’m not afraid of your mess.” Take a moment to reflect on that. While it sounds great on Instagram, living it out is a different story. When responsible for someone else, like a child or a student, their mess can overwhelm us. We fear making mistakes, looking bad, or being negligent. This fear extends to our partners too. Yes, it seems we are afraid of each other’s messes.

The Consequences of Fear

When we’re afraid of others’ messes, we often resort to control, fear, or punishment. These tactics breed shame and strain our relationships. There must be a better way.

Finding Peace Through One Simple Question

The question, “Whose problem is this?” has brought me much peace. I realized I was taking on problems that weren’t mine, turning me into a manager of others rather than managing my own life. This led to exhaustion and frustration when my efforts went unnoticed.

Understanding Boundaries

It’s crucial to discern which part of the problem is ours and not work harder on others’ problems than they are willing to. This understanding allows us to engage in an empowerment model, as outlined by Danny Silk, to navigate tough conversations effectively.

The Empowerment Model

Step 1: Start with Empathy

Empathy helps us move from a reactive state to a more understanding one. Start by saying, “That must have been hard,” to disarm the other person and show you care. Putting ourselves in their shoes and reflecting their feelings can build a foundation of trust.

Step 2: Empower by Identifying the Problem and Their Role

Clearly identify the problem and ask, “What are you going to do about it?” This helps determine if they recognize the issue as their own and encourages them to take responsibility.

Step 3: Explore Their Efforts

Ask, “What have you already tried?” This can reveal their resourcefulness and effort. Often, people have done more than we realize, and acknowledging this can open new pathways for problem-solving.

Step 4: Educate with Permission

If the other person seems unsure or has gaps in their solution, ask, “Are you open to some suggestions?” Respect their consent and honor their choice if they decline. This approach fosters collaboration and respect.

Step 5: Ensure Accountability

Clarify who is responsible for what and establish a timeline for when the issue should be resolved. This step is vital to avoid disconnection and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Step 6: Finish with Encouragement

End with, “I’m cheering you on.” Encouragement is powerful—it instills courage in others. Many people are starved for encouragement, and expressing belief in someone can make a significant impact.

In Conclusion

Tough conversations are challenging but necessary for growth and connection. By employing empathy, empowering others, exploring their efforts, educating with consent, ensuring accountability, and offering encouragement, we can navigate these conversations more effectively. Remember, it’s about managing our own lives and responsibilities while supporting others in managing theirs. This approach not only resolves issues but also strengthens relationships and builds trust.

You can watch the Masterclass we did for Educators how it relates to classrooms by clicking here.