This month marks a significant milestone in my life: my 25th wedding anniversary. As I reflect on this journey, I’m struck by the miracle of love and the wisdom we’ve gained. Today, I want to share some of the principles that have guided us, not just in marriage, but in building meaningful connections in all areas of life.
The Early Years: Navigating Rough Waters
The first few years of our marriage were hard. Both my husband and I are stubborn individuals, and no one prepared us for the realities of merging our lives. I pursued my entrepreneurial dreams without considering the impact on our home life, while he assumed my intense drive would mellow once we married. These unrealistic expectations created friction and became the number one sabotager in our relationship.
We often expect our partners to fulfill roles they aren’t capable of, leading to frustration and disappointment. This misalignment is a common issue in many relationships, not just in marriage but also between parents and children, teachers and students, and friends.
Learning to Forgive: A Journey of Empathy and Self-Management
Forgiveness is a recurring theme in my life. Many people ask me, “How do I forgive?” especially when the hurt comes from those closest to us. My husband and I accumulated years of unresolved pain. For instance, he would shut down emotionally during difficult conversations, staring blankly at the wall, which only escalated my frustration.
I was taught never to go to bed angry, but sometimes, resolving issues requires patience and time. It’s crucial to manage our emotions before attempting to fix problems. My desire to solve everything immediately often clashed with his need for space, leading to more conflict.
One pivotal moment in our relationship was when my father was dying. I needed my husband’s support, but he went to bed, leaving me feeling utterly alone. This incident became a repeated narrative in our marriage, highlighting how unmet emotional needs can build walls between partners.
Releasing Expectations: Finding Strength in Self-Reliance
The key to forgiveness and improving our relationship was learning to let go of unrealistic expectations. I realized I couldn’t rely on my husband to be my rescuer. Instead, I needed to manage my own emotions and needs.
This shift in perspective allowed me to approach our interactions with empathy. When he needed time to process, I gave him space and focused on calming myself. This change didn’t mean neglecting our connection; it meant understanding and respecting our individual emotional processes.
Extending Forgiveness: Beyond Marriage
Forgiveness extends beyond marital relationships. As a parent and working in schools, I faced similar challenges with students and children. They can be hurtful, disrespectful, and ungrateful, often pushing boundaries and testing our patience.
Forgiving when it hurts means continuing to show up and hold our end of the relationship, even when it’s difficult. It involves maintaining appropriate boundaries and recognizing that others, especially children and students, are not responsible for our emotional well-being.
Practical Steps to Forgiveness and Relational Wellness
Here are three essential steps that have helped me navigate forgiveness and build stronger relationships:
- Manage Yourself: Take responsibility for your emotions. When we don’t manage ourselves, we place unrealistic expectations on others, leading to more hurt.
- Redefine Forgiveness: Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the hurtful behaviour. It means releasing the burden of resentment and freeing yourself from its grip.
- See the Bigger Picture: Reflect on how past experiences and accumulated pain may distort your perception. Address the underlying stories that amplify current conflicts.
These principles have been transformative in my marriage. The last five years, in particular, have been the most rewarding as we’ve both learned to navigate our emotional landscapes more effectively.
Braving the Storm: A Call to Action
To everyone reading this, whether you’re married, a parent, a teacher, or in any other relationship, I encourage you to embrace these principles. Keep being brave. Show up when it’s hard. Love without walls. Forgive when it hurts. By doing so, you will rise through the storm and find deeper, more fulfilling connections.
Forgiveness and relational wellness are not just about making peace with others but also about healing. It’s a continuous journey of empathy, self-awareness, and emotional growth. As we celebrate 25 years of marriage, I am grateful for the lessons learned and the love that continues to grow stronger with each passing year.
If you’re local to Calgary, join us for a memorable evening of wine, appetizers, and celebration at our special event, Design Your Home. As we commemorate our 25th wedding anniversary, we are excited to share the journey of our unique renovation business that not only restores homes physically but also enriches relationships within them.
Event Highlights:
- Wine and Appetizers: Savor a selection of fine wines and delicious appetizers throughout the evening.
- Special Guests: Gain insights from Toni, an expert in real estate, and Caroll-Ann, an expert in interior design, who will be sharing their knowledge and tips.
- Inspiration and Ideas: Discover how to transform your living space into a reflection of your dreams and desires.
- Celebration: Join us in celebrating our milestone anniversary and learn about our passion for creating homes that nurture both beauty and connection.
This inspiring event is designed to help you envision and create the home you’ve always wanted. Whether you’re looking to renovate, redesign, or simply find new inspiration, this evening promises to be enlightening and enjoyable.
You can join us by clicking here
Bravely Connected 
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