Bravely Connected

The Root of Shame: Relationships

In our lives, relationships often become the primary source of our deepest shame. This sense of shame typically stems from our human need for connection and the pain experienced when that connection is not given. For years, I’ve been advocating a transformative approach: we don’t send the hurting away from us, we bring them closer. This is no easy feat and comes with a messy middle, but it is essential for genuine connection.

Identifying the Hurting Ones

The question then arises: who are the hurting people we bring closer? It’s crucial to prioritize our immediate family. The analogy of putting on your oxygen mask first applies here. We can’t possibly help everyone, nor should we try, especially if we’re empathetic by nature. Overextending ourselves can lead to personal ruin. Instead, focus first on those who matter most: our children and committed partners. Like Mother Teresa said, “If you want to change the world, go home and change your family.”

Nurturing Close Relationships

How do we bring our hurting children closer? How do we support a hurting partner? It’s about being brave enough to stay connected even when our instinct is to run. Many parents express frustration when their children don’t reciprocate love. The sacrifices we make for our children are immense, from birthing to lifelong commitment. Similarly, in marriages, the initial vows of unconditional love often wane over time, leading to disconnection and even resentment.

Brave Connections

Bravery in relationships involves a messy, complex process of continuous commitment. It requires acknowledging that we cannot depend solely on others for our sense of belonging and happiness. Instead, we must first bring ourselves closer to ourselves. By fostering a deep sense of self-love and acceptance, we become less dependent on others for our emotional well-being.

Emotional Regulation and Self-Connection

A significant part of bringing ourselves closer involves emotional regulation. Understanding and managing our emotions is crucial. When faced with triggers, like my husband’s exhaustion leading to a blowout over a minor issue the other day, I’ve learned to pause and look beyond the immediate reaction. Recognizing underlying stressors allows for a more compassionate response. This self-awareness enables us to manage our reactions and support others more effectively.

The Power of Attunement

Attunement is another vital aspect. It involves being fully present and non-reactive, providing a safe space for others to express their emotions. This kind of support helps rewire the brain, fostering long-term emotional health. However, it requires patience and commitment, as significant changes take time.

The Messy Middle: Finding Balance

In our polarized society, we often see things in black and white, but the truth lies in the messy middle. Balancing self-care with the needs of others is essential. We must learn to advocate for ourselves while remaining connected to those we love.

The Role of Spirituality

Finally, finding inner belonging often transcends cognitive efforts and enters the realm of spirituality. Each person’s journey is unique, and for me, it involves a spiritual practice that grounds and centers me, enabling a deeper sense of belonging and bravery.

Conclusion

Embracing bravery in relationships is a continuous journey of self-discovery and connection. By bringing ourselves closer and managing our emotions, we create a foundation for healthier, more resilient relationships. This process requires patience, self-awareness, and a commitment to ongoing growth. Through attunement and a balanced approach, we can foster deeper connections and navigate the complexities of love and belonging.

It is officially RELEASED! My 45 day audio/journal experience is ready for YOU! Based off of my Bring Them Closer book series, I realized that the one person we often don’t bring close is ourselves. In order to see our relationships thrive, I need to thrive on the inside first. I’ve learned this through many hardships in our family and marriage. In this journey, I hold nothing back. I share everything I’ve learned to now be free in myself, my marriage, and my relationships 

 At the end of the 45 days you will be able to: 

• create a peaceful world inside of you, even when the world around you isn’t. 
• develop boundaries that work 
• develop the skill to not allow others moods to affect yours 
• let go of unrealistic expectations of others 
• walk away from toxic relationships 

• repair meaningful relationships when they have been damaged 
• How it works: Each day there is a 7 minute audio where I share one strategy that has helped me develop all of these skills myself personally. You can listen to these audios on a walk, a road trip, at the beach, at the gym, or on your couch sipping your coffee. I have a PDF journal I send to go along with each day. These 45 days could change your life. I’m serious. It can. It’s changed mine 

 Summer is the perfect time for this. It’s the time to take a step back, slow down, and enjoy a more restful season. It is also an incredible time to take care of your inner world. It’s a time where you can find this brave, strong YOU before the craziness of fall hits again

All you have to do is do the audio/journal experience, and book your one hour personal coaching session with me I look forward to journeying with you this summer! Here’s to your brave journey! Get your brave belonging by clicking here and I’ll send you the audios and journal.