Bravely Connected

For the past 25 years, I’ve studied the concept of “belonging creates resilience.” Simply put, when someone feels like they belong, they become more resilient in life. They can sustain friendships, maintain proper boundaries, and overcome negativity, including criticism from others. People who know they belong exhibit remarkable resilience.

But how do we find this sense of belonging?

Initially, I believed that the group created belonging. Over two decades of teaching dance in schools, I conducted a social experiment. At the end of each class, I invited students to dance in a circle, encouraging even the most socially awkward and anxious kids to step into the middle. Surprisingly, these were the kids who dared to be seen.

I thought the group’s empowering environment was the key.

While the right environment can indeed foster belonging, it’s not foolproof. Human dynamics are complex; someone will inevitably feel hurt or offended. True resilience comes from a deeper place—an inner sense of belonging that doesn’t rely on others.

When we don’t possess this internal belonging, our perceptions are skewed by past wounds and distorted stories we tell ourselves.

For instance, if you believe you’re annoying, you might interpret someone’s actions as proof of this belief. Similarly, someone who feels they must dominate to be heard will clash with others. These conflicting perceptions lead to misunderstanding and isolation.

Inner belonging empowers us to weather these storms. Even if others find us annoying, inner belonging helps us rise above, love without barriers, forgive when it hurts, and keep moving forward. Without it, we doubt, isolate, and the cycle repeats, deepening our mistrust and disconnection.

True belonging isn’t about fitting in; it’s about embracing our uniqueness.

Belonging is a fundamental human need, like food or sleep. Yet, when we try to conform, we lose our sense of self and feel more disconnected. Instead, we must cultivate an internal sense of belonging, where we acknowledge our worthiness of love and connection.

Resilience also involves the ability to repair relationships.

This requires self-awareness to recognize when we’ve erred and the courage to make amends. Sometimes, despite our efforts, others may choose to remain disconnected. It’s important to understand that we can’t control others’ reactions. We’ve done our part by attempting to repair, and it’s up to them to choose forgiveness.

Repair is a two-way street. When confusion or unresolved conflicts arise in relationships, it can disregulate our brains, leading to further disconnection. We need to intentionally build connections, stepping out of our comfort zones and being people who actively engages with others.

The key to overcoming disconnection is finding our brave belonging.

When we doubt ourselves and our worth, we retreat into isolation. But when we embrace our inherent belonging, we can face rejection, criticism, and adversity with resilience.

One powerful tool I’ve found is the NeuroCycle app, developed by neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf. It helps detoxify toxic thoughts and promotes mental health through a structured 63-day program. Additionally, Brené Brown’s book, “Braving the Wilderness,” offers profound insights into finding brave belonging. She emphasizes that belonging isn’t about fitting in; it’s about embracing our authentic selves.

Belonging is your birthright.

We don’t have to earn it; we simply need to recognize and embrace it. By doing so, we can navigate life’s challenges with resilience, extend love to others, and continually rise above adversity. You are resilient, and your sense of belonging is the cornerstone of that resilience. Embrace it, and let it guide you towards a richer, more connected life.

If you’re looking for a roadmap to your inner belonging, I have a 45 day journey where I share ALL the tools I’ve used to find my brave belonging, with the result of feeling bravely connected to others. With this 45 day journey, you receive: 45 daily audios, 6 videos, a PDF journal, and one personal coaching session with me. If you’re saying a brave YES to this, click here.