Bravely Connected

Discovering your inner brave and sense of belonging can transform your life. When you embrace these qualities, your relationships improve, your dreams become more attainable, and you start living the life you’ve always wanted. This journey begins with managing your inner world and understanding the emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that shape your experiences.

Manage Your Inner World

In my book, Bring Them Closer, I explore how peace in our hearts can lead to peace in our homes, classrooms, and environments. But how do you achieve this inner peace? It starts by evaluating your inner world with three essential questions:

1. What is my resting emotional state?
   • Many of us avoid acknowledging our emotions, viewing them as overwhelming or unnecessary. However, mental health is deeply intertwined with our emotional, physical, and relational well-being. Denying your emotions means denying a significant part of your humanity.
2. If that emotion was a sentence, what would it say?
   • Identifying your emotions helps uncover the underlying thoughts. During a crisis with my son, I often felt despair, manifesting as thoughts like, “I can’t do this,” or “I’m not a good enough parent.”
3. What behaviors result from these emotions and thoughts?
   • Recognizing how your feelings and thoughts translate into behavior is crucial. Behaviors are a form of communication, and understanding this connection helps you navigate your inner world more effectively.

Answering these questions is my tool I give to coach yourself. It doesn’t take long—just a few minutes during your daily commute or while taking a walk. This exercise can organize your mind, leading to a greater sense of bravery and belonging because now YOU own your inner world, rather than being impacted by everyone around you.

Find out Who You Are

Heart wounds often occur when we seek connection only to feel rejected. But here’s the thing, if you look for rejection, you’re gonna find it because it’s everywhere. Not everyone will like you. Truly accepting this truth can be challenging, but it’s crucial for finding your brave belonging.

For many years, I struggled to fit in. Growing up, I was an awkward, chubby, buck-toothed girl who never seemed to belong. But as Brene Brown explains in her book, Braving the Wilderness, there’s a significant difference between fitting in and belonging.

You are not meant to be everyone’s flavor, and that’s perfectly okay. Our relationships shape us more than anything else. You can meditate and recite mantras, but if the people around you are dragging you down, you’ll always feel pressured to conform. Knowing who you are and accepting it allows you to create a sense of belonging for yourself.

Choose Your Inner Circle

You have the power to decide who belongs in your inner circle. Picture placing your hand on your heart: those closest to you, touching your soul, should be a select few—probably fewer than five people. These individuals might be family members or close friends who feed your soul, love you at your best and worst, and whom you also cherish.

Beyond this inner circle are people you like but aren’t as close to—perhaps coworkers or acquaintances. Then, there are those you know casually, such as social media friends, who don’t significantly impact your life. Finally, the outer rim includes people who should be kept at a distance. They aren’t necessarily bad people, but they aren’t good for you.

Only you can decide who belongs in each circle. Evaluate who deserves to be in your inner circle and focus on nurturing those relationships. Often, we seek acceptance from those on the outer rim when plenty of people love us for who we are. Keep those who truly matter close, even if it’s just one or two individuals.

Find your Delight

Reflect on whether you feel like a delight to yourself and those around you. As a child, I often felt like I was constantly in trouble, thinking I had to be perfect to be loved. But you are a delight just as you are—quirky, unique, and human. This phrase rang true for me, “You’re only a delight when you’re doing things right.”

Shame often replaces delight when we feel we must meet certain conditions to be valued. Recognize that you are enough, and choose to surround yourself with those who delight in you and whom you delight in. This mutual appreciation boosts your bravery and sense of belonging.

Delight is also about pursuing what you love. Many people deny their desires because they believe it’s wrong to want more. Yet, living in alignment with your passions fuels bravery and belonging. Even if you occasionally work a job you don’t love, ensure that your life aligns with your true desires.

Think about what delights you and run toward it. Embrace what makes you feel alive, even if it sets you apart from others. Life is short, and you don’t want to look back with regrets. Live in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling, and you’ll find yourself braver and more at peace.

Your brave belonging starts with understanding your inner world and making conscious choices about who and what you let into your life. Embrace who you are, pursue your desires, and nurture the relationships that truly matter. In doing so, you’ll unlock the courage and sense of belonging necessary to live the life you’ve always wanted.

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