Have you ever felt dismissed by others? Do you feel like connection with others is hard, or feel like you’re being judged? Do you struggle with feeling like you belong? If you have, today’s blog version of the podcast is for you.
I’m thrilled to introduce you to Dietrich, a unique individual and an emotional intelligence leadership coach. He’s actually my coach! He teaches that to connect with others, we must first attune to ourselves.
Understanding Ourselves
To truly connect with others, we must be self-aware and self-reflective. This means acknowledging our own emotions and the impact they have on our interactions.
Dietrich emphasizes that if we’re not attuned to ourselves, collaboration with others becomes challenging. He shares, “If I dismiss myself, I will dismiss you.” It’s a powerful reminder that self-awareness is the foundation of meaningful connection.
The Power of Self-Attunement
Dietrich’s philosophy is simple: To connect outwardly, we must first attune inwardly. This means acknowledging and understanding our own emotions. When we’re aware of our feelings, we’re better equipped to empathize with others.
I remember a conversation with Dietrich where he noticed I was disconnected from myself. He gently pointed it out, not to criticize but to support me in exploring my inner world. This moment was transformative, as it allowed me to reflect on how I was showing up in that conversation. This moment changed everything for me. Since then, I have made attuning in my goal and I’ve noticed significant changes in how I connect with others and feel my own sense of belonging.
I’ve noticed as I move more towards seeking to understand my own heart, I have improved at seeking to understand the hearts of others.
Desire vs. Fear-Based Motivation
According to Dietrich, there are two types of motivation: fear-based and desire-based. Emotionally intelligent individuals operate from a place of desire, not fear. Think about your own motivation. What makes you feel more motivated:
- I should do this…
- Where is my joy leading me?
Try letting joy lead you this week and see the difference it makes in how you connect with yourself and others.
The Role of Curiosity
Curiosity is the antidote to fear. When we’re curious, our brains are open to ourselves and others. This is where the magic of connection happens. This week in my community dance class where people of all ages attend, a 10 year old girl after our closing dance circle ended lifted her hands to the air and yelled out, “I’m not afraid anymore!”
Cue tears from all the adults surrounding her, because we all have that 10 year old girl inside of us wanting to not be afraid anymore. Curiosity unlocks this for us.
Cultivating Joy Bonds
Joy is the biproduct of attunement. Dietrich defines joy as the feeling of being glad to be with someone and having tenderness towards weaknesses. When we’re gentle with ourselves and others, we create joy bonds that move past fear that seeks to separate us.
What would it be like for you to have tenderness towards your weakness? What would it feel like to have tenderness towards others’ weaknesses. I’ve noticed the more tender I am with myself, the more tender I am with others. The opposite has also been true. When I’m hard on myself, I am hard on others – even when I haven’t wanted to be.
Final Thoughts
By attuning inwardly, fostering curiosity, and embracing joy, we can create deeper, more meaningful relationships that give us the belonging and connection we are longing for.
This transcends into my motherhood,
My home,
My classroom,
My friendships,
My ability to live aligned with my values,
My ability to dream and step into those dreams.
This is the key to all of that my friend. Keep being brave to face yourself and others.
Bravely Connected 
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