Bravely Connected

Welcome to the Bravely Connected blog, where I’m excited to guide you through a year-long journey that will help you feel bravely connected to yourself and others. My Bravely Connected method is designed to help leaders, teachers, parents, and anyone in a position of influence foster meaningful connections in their classrooms, homes, and workplaces. This October, we focus on cultivating intrinsic motivation in ourselves and those we lead, which begins with creating a vision for the future.

The Importance of Vision

Vision is vital for motivation. I recall speaking at a school assembly and asking a group of students, “Do you feel you have hope for your future?” Out of 25 students who stepped up to the microphone, only one expressed having hope. This lack of vision isn’t limited to youth; it extends to adults in various roles. Many of us, whether we are in workplaces, classrooms, or homes, feel out of control, simply trying to survive day by day. As humans navigating complexity, we often set the bar too low, settling for far less than we’re capable of achieving.

But vision goes beyond merely surviving; it’s about seeing the bigger picture. It’s not just about getting through another work project or school assignment, but about understanding the larger impact of our actions. It’s about living with purpose and creating a sense of hope for the future. This kind of vision is essential, and as leaders, we must first ensure that we, ourselves, are able to see past the day-to-day grind.

Understanding Rigidity and Chaos

To foster vision in others, we must first understand the balance between control and freedom. Dr. Dan Siegel’s concept from The Whole-Brain Child offers a helpful metaphor. He describes leadership and emotional regulation as a river with two banks: one representing rigidity and the other representing chaos. As we navigate the river of life, the goal is to stay in the middle. On one side, if we become too rigid and controlling, we stifle creativity and motivation. On the other side, if we’re too loose, we lose the necessary structure that people—especially children—need to thrive.

When we find ourselves on either bank, it can be detrimental. Rigidity leads to authoritarian behaviours, causing those we lead to either rebel or comply without genuine engagement. On the opposite side, giving up entirely leaves people feeling directionless and unmotivated. Children, in particular, need to know that while we are in control, we aren’t domineering.

Reflecting on Personal Leadership Styles

It’s crucial to recognize where we tend to land on this spectrum. Are we more likely to exert control when we feel out of control, or do we retreat and give up when overwhelmed? Reflecting on these tendencies allows us to become aware of the factors that drive our actions. Awareness is the first step to staying in the middle of the river, where we are steady, predictable, and effective.

Don’t feel ashamed of swinging from one side to the other. It’s human nature, and acknowledging these moments helps us move forward. It’s also important to remember that most of our communication is nonverbal. Even if we are trying to appear composed and professional, others can sense when we are too controlling or too passive. Humans are wired for connection, and our emotions are contagious. The “vibe” we give off matters more than the words we say.

Managing Yourself First

One of the core principles of the Bravely Connected method is managing yourself first. Whether you’re leading a classroom, a team, or a family, self-management is critical. When we feel out of control or unheard, we often revert to patterns of controlling behavior or giving up entirely. For example, as a parent, I used to flip between being overly controlling and completely giving up when I felt like my children weren’t listening to me. This cycle created anxiety in my home because my children never knew which version of me they would encounter.

The root of this behaviour often lies in unresolved issues from our past. For instance, when my children weren’t listening to me, I wasn’t just reacting to that moment. I was tapping into deep-seated feelings of not being heard or understood as a child. By failing to process these emotions, I was perpetuating a cycle of control and surrender.

Recognizing Your Emotional State

The journey toward being a more effective and connected leader starts with recognizing your own emotional state. What thoughts run through your mind on a regular basis? What do they sound like when put into words? And how do these thoughts shape the way you behave? Noticing these patterns is crucial because it allows you to better understand your inner world.

By becoming aware of your emotions, you gain the power to steer yourself away from either extreme—whether it’s exerting too much control or giving up entirely. This process of self-awareness helps you find balance, the middle of the river, where true leadership lies.

Building a Daily Practice of Self-Awareness

This transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It requires intentionality, and it’s something you practice every single day. Regularly checking in with yourself and asking, “What is my resting emotional state?” will help you cultivate a steady presence. This awareness becomes the foundation for how you interact with others, whether in your role as a leader, parent, or teacher.

Over time, with daily attention to your thoughts and behaviors, you will start to respond more thoughtfully and effectively, rather than reacting out of habit. This awareness is what allows you to stay in the middle of the river, where you can provide calm, consistent guidance without swinging between extremes.

The Ripple Effect of Inner Connection

The key to motivating those around you—whether they are children, colleagues, or students—lies in your own ability to be connected with yourself. As you become more bravely connected to your own inner world, that calm, centered presence will naturally extend to those you lead. This is the foundation of creating motivation with vision.

When we as leaders are grounded and connected, we inspire others to find vision and hope for themselves. This is why so many children, students, and even teams lack motivation. The root cause often isn’t external factors but a lack of internal connection within the leader. We must first go inward before we can effectively lead outward.

The First Step Toward Bravery

To lead bravely, you must first do the hard work of understanding yourself. By bravely connecting with your inner emotions and thoughts, you are setting the stage for those around you to do the same. This connection fosters motivation, vision, and hope—qualities essential for thriving in any environment, whether at home, in the classroom, or at work.

As you continue on this journey, remember that it’s okay to notice where you tend to go off course. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to rewiring your reactions. The more you practice self-awareness, the more you’ll be able to navigate that middle path, bringing steady leadership to those around you.

Conclusion

This week, take some time to reflect on your emotional state and behaviors. Write them down without judgment, and simply notice where your thoughts tend to lead you. By shining a light on these patterns, you’ll be able to start the process of staying in the middle of the river—calm, steady, and bravely connected.

And of course, keep being brave.

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