Bravely Connected

One of the foundational ideas behind this resource is something I learned from a counsellor: “Don’t let your mind wander; wander your mind.” In moments of anxiety, thoughts can spiral downward, leading to panic, paralysis, or a sense of being frozen. The idea is to redirect those thoughts intentionally.

This workbook introduces the concept that the mind is a battlefield. Boys, especially those who love video games, understand the idea of defeating an enemy. Anxiety, in this context, becomes the “bad guy” they need to conquer. The goal is to empower boys with strategies to “win the battle” against their anxious thoughts by using tools and creating a mental battle plan. You can request the workbook FREE HERE and I’ll send to you.

Identifying the “Bad Guys” in Your Thoughts

The first step in the workbook involves identifying the negative thoughts—those “bad guys” in the mind. These thoughts might sound like:

• “You can’t do this.”
• “You’re not good enough.”
• “Why even try?”
• “We control you, not the other way around.”

This step aligns with my Bravely Connected framework: attune in, attune out. Identifying toxic thoughts is crucial because they shape how we perceive the world. By naming them, we begin to dismantle their power.

Checking In: How Are You Really Doing?

The next part of the workbook asks boys to assess key areas of their lives—friendships, family, school, and overall well-being—on a scale from 1 to 10. This exercise offers insight into underlying challenges they might not articulate directly. Questions like:

• Are you experiencing joy?
• Do you feel hopeful?
• Do you have a sense of purpose?

Sometimes the initial answer might be, “I don’t know.” But through gentle probing—“How are your friendships right now? A 7? An 8?”—we can help boys reflect more deeply. This process uncovers the stories their thoughts are creating, stories that often feel overwhelming but can be reshaped once they’re brought into the open.

Developing a Battle Plan

Just as a video game hero doesn’t defeat a villain without a plan, boys need a battle strategy to manage anxious thoughts. The workbook emphasizes that while anxiety is real, it’s not their identity. Even if anxiety is part of their experience, it doesn’t define who they are. The goal is to shift the focus from “I am anxious” to “I feel anxiety, but it’s not all of me.”

This section invites boys to reconnect with what brings them joy. Identifying hobbies, interests, and passions—whether it’s basketball or drawing—reminds them they are more than their struggles. As adults, we can support this process by asking open-ended questions, helping boys rediscover moments that spark joy and resilience.

The Power of Encouragement

One of the most meaningful exercises in the workbook is a page titled “Here’s What I See in You.” Writing down positive traits and strengths for a boy can have a lasting impact. I’ve met people years later who still hold on to notes of encouragement I wrote them. These small affirmations become anchors, reinforcing their sense of worth. Encouragement offers courage, and courage is essential in the battle against anxiety.

Creating a Sense of Control

Many anxious thoughts stem from situations that feel out of control. The workbook helps boys list what is within their control and what isn’t. For example:

• In control of: What I watch before bed.
• Not in control of: How others behave or how much homework I get.

The key is to guide them in developing coping strategies for things outside their control. For example, my son realized that playing certain video games before bed triggered anxious thoughts. His idea? Swap gaming for a funny show to wind down. Since implementing that change, his anxiety has improved.

This exercise fosters agency by helping boys recognize that, while they can’t control everything, they can control their responses. Writing down their plans strengthens this sense of control, making it more likely they’ll follow through when anxiety arises.

How to Build Your Internal Resources to Combat Anxiety

Internal resources are the personal qualities you can draw on during challenging moments. These include:

• Joy and laughter: Moments of happiness help shift your mindset.
• Creativity and hope: These spark new perspectives and possibilities.
• Resilience: The ability to keep going when things get tough.

Mental health strategies aren’t always something you learn by reading articles or watching videos—they’re caught, not taught. Remind yourself, and others, that these inner strengths are your battle strategy.

One example from my own life was during a personal mental health crisis, when I developed a mantra to anchor myself:
“I am brave. I show up when it’s hard. I love without walls. I forgive when it hurts. And I keep rising through the storm.”

This was more than a set of affirmations—it was my way of calling out the strength that already existed inside me.

Shielding Yourself: The Role of Relationships and Media

Your relationships and environment matter. They can either shield you or make you vulnerable.

• Friendships: Are your friendships protective, or do they add to your anxiety? Do they foster a sense of belonging?
• Media Consumption: What you watch and listen to affects your mental state. If it leaves you scattered and anxious (as TikTok did for me), consider adjusting what you consume.

Creating a Preemptive Strategy: The Morning and Night Defense

Anxiety often creeps in at two key times—right before bed and upon waking. Having a plan for these moments can be a game-changer.

• Before Bed: My son shared his strategy—watching comedy instead of intense content. This small shift has made a big difference for him.
• In the Morning: Prepare the night before by writing yourself a note: “I can do this” or “I’ll feel good if I push through.” When the morning feels overwhelming, focus on simple steps—get out of bed, grab a coffee, and do the next right thing.

Talk Back to Anxiety: Take Charge

Ask yourself, “What do I want to say to anxiety?”

For me, anxiety’s voice often whispers, “Sit down. Shut up. No one wants to hear from you.” But I respond with this:
“The people I help are more important than your voice, anxiety.”

Helping others makes me feel alive. That’s what I say to anxiety—You sit down.

Thank You for Being Here

I hope this blog has given you a helpful tool. For anyone wanting the workbook, just click here and say, “Send me the workbook!” and I’ll send that to you right away.

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Exciting Announcements: A Challenge, a Webinar, and a Birthday Celebration

I have some exciting things coming up!

• Free Webinar: On November 12, I’ll be hosting a free session on working with students with ODD, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. To register free click here.

• I’m celebrating a milestone—turning 50 years old this week! For my birthday, I’m starting the Bravely Connected Schools Foundation to raise funds for mental health and belonging strategies in schools. If you’re in Calgary, come to my birthday party on November 6th, from 6 to 8:30 PM. I’ll be dance battling 50 people to raise funds and kick off the foundation. I’d love for you to be part of this event. For more info, click here.

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