Bravely Connected

Imagine a boardroom, filled with key decision-makers: the CEO, the CFO, and other essential roles that keep the organization running smoothly. In a brain with ADHD, certain roles at this mental “boardroom” table are absent. Key functions like memory, organization, time management, emotional regulation, and behavior management are missing. This absence makes routine tasks challenging, leading to questions from others who might wonder, “Why can’t they just focus?”

The answer lies in executive function. The ADHD brain lacks established neural pathways that support these functions, making tasks others find straightforward—like organizing, problem-solving, and regulating emotions—difficult.

Recognizing Signs of ADHD: What to Look For

Common signs of ADHD in children, students, coworkers, and even oneself include:

• Chronic lateness and missed deadlines
• Difficulty paying attention
• Emotional outbursts and behavioral issues
• Persistent disorganization and lack of focus

These signs indicate a deficit in executive functioning, where the brain’s connections haven’t fully developed or integrated. However, there is hope for improvement through an approach known as interpersonal neurobiology.

The Role of Attunement in Rewiring the ADHD Brain

I first encountered the concept of interpersonal neurobiology in Dr. Gabor Maté’s book, Scattered Minds. Dr. Maté explains that ADHD can arise from missed opportunities for attunement, where the brain’s wiring fails to fully connect due to lack of nurturing attention in early development. This revelation felt overwhelming when I thought of my own family’s experience with ADHD, but it wasn’t about assigning blame. Rather, it revealed that, at any stage in life, attunement can rewire a brain.

The ADHD brain’s need for support in creating neural pathways doesn’t end with childhood; parents, teachers, and coworkers can help build these pathways through ongoing attunement. By connecting with and understanding someone with ADHD, we can strengthen their ability to organize, concentrate, regulate emotions, and improve memory. This journey is communal, not solely individual.

Shifting Focus: Strength-Based Support for ADHD

One of the essential roles for anyone supporting a person with ADHD is to highlight their strengths. People with ADHD often receive negative feedback about their challenges and limitations, creating a cycle of self-doubt and discouragement. It’s estimated that, on average, individuals with ADHD experience about 20 negative interactions each day.

Instead of focusing on what’s “wrong,” we should recognize what’s strong. People with ADHD bring incredible creativity, resilience, and unique abilities, like hyperfocus, multitasking, and innovation. I speak from experience—I’ve launched four businesses, a national nonprofit, a foundation, and published multiple books. ADHD enables me to bring energy and vision to my work in ways that defy conventional limits.

Practical Tools for Teaching and Parenting: Keeping It Engaging and Co-Regulating

Here are a few strategies to better engage and support someone with ADHD:

• Adapt Learning for Engagement: Keeping activities varied and interactive can help maintain focus. Think back to kindergarten stations—these setups work wonderfully with older students, too. ADHD students often thrive when lessons are engaging and interactive.
• Co-Regulation: Parents and teachers, you are a child’s or student’s “prefrontal cortex” until they reach about age 25. Your responses to stress and emotions set an example. When you react calmly, children learn calmness; when you lose patience, they might absorb that as a norm.

Attunement, or being emotionally in-tune with someone, is essential for building these neural pathways. By modelling self-regulation and even acknowledging your own emotional experiences, you can help your child or student develop healthy emotional and behavioural responses.

The Cultural Impact on ADHD: Our Digital World and Its Influence

Today’s screen-driven culture, with its constant, rapid shifts in focus, is shaping how young brains develop. Platforms like Netflix and iPads “program” the prefrontal cortex by conditioning it to expect quick changes and instant rewards. This digital conditioning affects attention spans and how young people process stress. As adults, we can help by demonstrating healthier ways to manage stress and emotions, teaching by example.

Embracing the Journey: Attuning to the Process

Working with ADHD, whether in yourself or others, is a journey, not a quick fix. It’s a marathon requiring patience, empathy, and resilience. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with intentional support, attunement, and connection, positive transformation is possible.

In supporting each other, we become Bravely Connected, committed to this communal journey of growth, understanding, and resilience.

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