Bravely Connected

When someone suddenly cuts off communication without explanation, it can feel like a blow to the face. Neurologically, it causes us all kinds of chaos in the brain. It’s important to remember that it is an experience many of us have had, whether in friendships, work relationships, or collaborations. While it’s easy to feel frustrated or confused, it’s worth exploring the deeper reasons behind this behaviour. Why do people ghost? Let’s dive in.

Fear of Others’ Reactions

One of the most common reasons is fear—fear of causing discomfort, being judged, or facing a negative reaction. This avoidance often stems from past experiences. There’s not many people I know who like confrontation. Who want to say to someone else, “I’m just not feeling this connection anymore. I think we need to move on.” – and yet, how many of us would have found that HELPFUL. Yes, hurtful too, but in the long run I would have appreciated this level of honesty to avoid confusion.

Self-Preservation and Misunderstanding

When we feel judged, misunderstood, or like a burden, our natural response is often self-preservation. This might involve staying silent or avoiding confrontation. For example, I’ve noticed that when I feel misunderstood, I become defensive and focus on protecting myself instead of fostering connection. This self-protective behavior, while instinctual, can lead to disconnection.

The Cost of Ghosting: Integrity and Trust

We value integrity in others, but fear often holds us back from honest communication. Whether it’s fear of offending, appearing weak, or being vulnerable, these insecurities can drive us to ghost, lie, or make excuses.

For example, I’ve ghosted people before because I felt too overwhelmed to explain my lack of capacity. In hindsight, a simple, honest message like, “I’m so sorry, I don’t have the energy right now. It’s not you; it’s where I’m at,” would have been kinder and more effective. Embarrassing to admit, but it’s a common human flaw we all carry. Vulnerability can feel like weakness, but it’s actually a strength that builds trust and connection.

Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability

Many people—teachers, parents, and leaders included—struggle with vulnerability, fearing it might make them look weak. However, vulnerability is often the bridge to deeper understanding and trust. Saying something like, “I’m not in alignment with this project,” or, “I need to step back,” might feel awkward, but it’s far better than disappearing without explanation.

Building Trust Through Clear Communication

Trust is the foundation of all meaningful relationships, and clear communication is essential for building it. When we communicate honestly and kindly, we foster understanding and connection. Here are some steps to get started:

1. Develop Self-Awareness: Pay attention to your reactions. Notice when you feel tempted to ghost, lie, or avoid difficult conversations. Recognizing these impulses is the first step toward change.
2. Get Curious About Your Triggers: Instead of being hard on yourself, ask, “What’s underneath this feeling? Why am I reacting this way?” Curiosity leads to insights and helps you respond more thoughtfully.
3. Practice Vulnerability: Start small. Share your feelings honestly in low-stakes situations. Over time, this builds confidence and strengthens your ability to communicate openly.

Listening to Your Emotional Signals

When you feel hesitant or nervous about a conversation, notice how your body reacts. Maybe your chest feels tight, or your stomach is uneasy—these physical sensations are like warning lights on a car dashboard. They indicate that something deeper is going on. Rather than ignoring them, take a moment to explore the root cause. Often, it stems from caring deeply about how others perceive you, even if you tell yourself otherwise.

Your emotions—whether anxiety, anger, or sadness—are clues to unresolved experiences, like misunderstandings or relationships that ended without closure. These emotional “wakes” leave an impact, much like waves crashing against a rock. They shape how we approach new interactions and can influence behaviors in ways we don’t immediately recognize.

Honesty and Resilience in Relationships

Navigating relationships requires courage. Even when it feels difficult, showing up with honesty—whether through a heartfelt email or an honest conversation—builds resilience. You might fear how others will react, but standing in your integrity allows you to stay true to yourself.

Not everyone will understand you, and that’s okay. Letting go of the need for universal approval opens the door for meaningful connections with those who value your authenticity. For those who don’t, it might be time to release those relationships and focus on the ones that matter.

Resilience is in the Repair

We can level up and learn to be honest in our relationships, so we can move forward in healing. Next time you’re feeling you need to move on from a relationship, why not just say this: “I am feeling the need to move on. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s just where I’m at. I know that can feel confusing, and so I wanted to share with you honestly so you wouldn’t be guessing. I would like for you to respect my decision, but understand if you find that hard. I am wishing you the best in your life.”

When it feels hard, remember: keep showing up, keep being honest, and keep being brave. Sometimes being honest about disconnecting with others is exactly what creates brave connection.

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