Bravely Connected

Giving and giving and giving has a weight. We Need Self-Care

How to stay strong while making a difference. These are the self care strategies you need. Today, I’m sharing something deeply personal about self-care, especially for those of us who are constantly giving to others.

Lately, I’ve been noticing a common theme among leaders, educators, and community builders—the weight of giving without limits. I just read an email from a school I know where the principal has changed, teachers are going on leave, and exhaustion is setting in. If you’re a parent, teacher, business owner, or community leader, you might feel the same strain.

So today, I’m offering strategies to help you take care of yourself while you continue investing in others. The focus of my blog is always how to stay bravely connected to both others and ourselves. If that’s what you’ve been looking for, I’m glad you’re here.

Living the Dream—But at What Cost?

Over the past year, I’ve completely shifted my life. I’m still working with educators and schools, which I love, but I also had a deep desire to invest in my own community. This dream has been years in the making, and finally, all the signs pointed me here. Have you ever had that feeling—where something lights you up, and you know it’s for you?

But here’s the hard truth: making a difference comes at a cost. Working with people is rewarding but exhausting. Community work never ends, and when there’s no funding to back it up, the stress compounds. My family has felt the financial strain, and I know I’m not alone. Whether you’re a teacher on the front lines, a parent juggling endless responsibilities, or an entrepreneur making sacrifices, you understand what it means to stretch yourself thin.

The Physical Toll of Sacrifice

I’ve been conducting interviews with local community builders—people I admire. But when I watched the recordings, I felt embarrassed. I noticed how much weight I had gained. Three and a half years ago, I went off sugar for three months, and I had never felt better. My clothes fit well, and I felt strong. But over the past year, I’ve been so focused on helping others that I completely neglected myself.

This reminds me of Jamie Kern Lima, founder of IT Cosmetics. Her book, Believe It, shares the sacrifices she made to build her business. She poured everything into her vision, cried over financial stress, and let herself go in the process. Reading her story, I felt seen. The same thing was happening to me.

When I opened my email to more messages about teachers burning out and people feeling “peopled out,” I knew something had to change. To stay in this work, we have to take care of ourselves. We need tools to last, and that’s where the concept of HOPE comes in.

The HOPE Framework: Four Steps to Self-Care

To sustain ourselves in the work we’re called to do, we need HOPE. I’m using this as an acronym for four crucial self-care strategies: Habits, Optimism, Perseverance, and Energy.

H – Habits

When I looked at my reflection in those interview videos, I saw a lack of good habits. I was grabbing unhealthy food out of convenience, skipping exercise, and working from the moment I woke up until I fell asleep. And while sometimes that level of commitment is necessary, it’s not sustainable.

So I’ve made two commitments:

1. Improve my eating habits – I’m off sugar (day three and counting!).
2. Move my body – I need to walk, to get outside, to do something active.

We all get the same 24 hours in a day. I may not be able to control how quickly my body responds, but I can control the habits I choose. What’s one habit you could focus on to improve your well-being?

O – Optimism

Optimism is within our control. I’m naturally an overflowing, glass-half-full type of person, but relentless effort without results can be disheartening. When progress feels slow, negativity creeps in.

To counter this, I started a miracle jar (check out the reel I made about this on my instagram @conniejakab). Every time something good happens, no matter how small, I write it down and drop it in the jar. This simple practice has shifted my perspective. It reminds me that even in difficult times, there are moments of gratitude and joy.

We are responsible for our mindset. If we only focus on what’s lacking, we miss the good happening around us.

I once told my son, who hated going to school when he was in grade 1, “Happy is somewhere in that building—go find it.” At the end of the day, he proudly showed me a tiny smiley face sticker he found on the floor. He carried it around as a reminder that happiness existed there.

This isn’t toxic positivity; it’s refueling ourselves with gratitude. Without it, we burn out.

P – Perseverance

The longest I’ve ever run is a 10K. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. I’m good. I don’t need to do that anymore. But I do know that when I was running those 10Ks, the beginning was tough. Then, I’d catch a rhythm, only for it to get tough again as fatigue set in. That’s where perseverance came in—it helped me push through to the end and feel amazing.

Naming What You Can and Cannot Control

Perseverance is strengthened when we recognize what we can and cannot control. For example, I can control my habits and my action plan. I can decide to cut sugar and commit to moving every day. That’s my action plan. But I cannot control tariffs, the government, my children, or other people. So what do we do about what we can’t control? We create a coping plan.

For every uncontrollable factor in your life, you need a strategy. How will you cope with uncertainty? How will you handle situations outside your control? Writing these down and journaling about them increases perseverance because it strengthens your autonomy. This brings us to the final piece of the HOPE framework: Energy.

Managing Your Energy

You need energy to do what you’re doing, and you cannot be “on” all the time. Did you know that, statistically, adults live in the reactive part of their brain—the limbic system—75% of the day? This part of the brain was meant to be activated only in moments of alert or danger, yet we operate from this space almost constantly. A big reason for this is poor energy management.

Mapping Your Energy

Take a moment to evaluate your daily and weekly energy patterns. When do you feel most energetic? When do you experience dips? Personally, I need to do all my hard thinking in the morning. I wake up early—it’s not my favorite thing, but I’ve adjusted. After 7 p.m., though, I’m useless to society.

Consider your energy not just on a daily and weekly level, but seasonally, too. Some seasons are naturally busier. For example, in February, schools pile on events—Pink Shirt Day, teachers’ conventions, and so much more. My schedule is maxed out, so I don’t take on extra commitments that month. Teachers, for example, might recognize that report card season is not the time to start marathon training. Knowing when your energy is at its peak and when it’s low helps you set realistic expectations and maintain perseverance.

You Are Not Hopeless

By naming your high-energy and low-energy periods, you can build resilience. Perseverance isn’t about pushing through exhaustion—it’s about working with your natural rhythms.

I share this because I’m living it right now. And if I ever stop living it, I’m not leading. I’m not leading myself, my family, my initiatives, or the leaders I’m raising. If I’m not taking care of myself, I’m not helping anyone—especially me.

So, who needed this today? Tell me, what will you do differently? If you need accountability, email me at connie@conniejakab.com. I would love to hear from you because we’re in this together.

Let’s be brave enough to stay bravely connected—to ourselves.

Watch this blog on my Youtube by clicking here