Bravely Connected

This week on the blog I want to dive into something deeply personal yet universally important—finding your own sense of belonging. This is not about fitting in; it’s about knowing that you belong, even when you’re standing alone.

The Power of True Belonging

Brené Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness has been a guiding light for me, one I revisit every year. It has shaped how I navigate my life—whether in my role as a parent, in the education system, or in my community work. Brown challenges us to embrace the reality that true belonging means belonging everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It means standing firm in who we are, even when it’s unpopular or isolating.

I’ve experienced this firsthand. As a mother, I had to fight for my son in an education system that didn’t always understand him. I had to step outside the norm, even when it meant being labeled as someone “going rogue.” As a community leader, launching Bravely Connected Communities was a risk. If I upset anyone, I have to face them at the grocery store. But I know this is the work I need to do, and I’ve had to be brave enough to stand alone.

Belonging Starts Within

Belonging isn’t something others create for us. It is something we cultivate within ourselves. I had a profound realization one morning while sitting on my couch—I belong. Not because someone else affirmed it, but because I chose to believe it. This shifted everything. It changed how I parent, how I work in education, and how I engage with my community.

I even got a tattoo as a reminder—the heart points outward, symbolizing that belonging isn’t given to me by others. I can extend my hand to anyone, even those who might reject me. This doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries, but it does mean that I no longer seek external validation to feel like I belong.

The Four Elements of Belonging

Brené Brown outlines four key elements that help us develop a strong sense of belonging, and these have been transformational for me. They are:

1. People Are Hard to Hate Up Close
2. Speak Truth to Bullsh*t, Be Civil
3. Hold Hands with Strangers
4. Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.

Let’s start with the first element: People Are Hard to Hate Up Close.

Seeing Beyond the Red Car

It’s easy to dehumanize people from a distance. I once had an experience where a red car cut me off in traffic. I was angry, muttering all kinds of things under my breath. Later, at a Starbucks, I had a warm and engaging conversation with a woman, only to watch her leave and get into that same red car. In an instant, my perception shifted. She was no longer just “the red car”; she was a person.

This happens all the time in our world—especially online. Social media makes it easy to criticize and judge without understanding. In our community Facebook group, I saw someone post about a 10-year-old boy, complaining about his behavior. Instead of reaching out to understand, the post condemned him and shamed his mother.

True connection happens when we get up close. That’s why, in my community, we prioritize potlucks, dance, fitness, and walking groups—because when people meet face to face, they realize they don’t have to agree to respect and even like each other.

So, ask yourself: How can I move towards connection instead of pulling away? In parenting, this means looking beyond behavior and seeking to understand what’s underneath. When we lean in, we build bridges instead of walls.

Speaking Truth to Bullsh*t, With Civility

The second element is about being honest while remaining civil. Brené Brown points out that we often default to aligning with whatever position our side takes, rather than being curious. In a world where asking questions can be seen as antagonistic, we must reclaim curiosity as a strength.

Instead of reacting defensively when confronted with differing opinions, we can choose to ask questions. I practice this by looking for common ground. As a Christian, I have many Muslim friends, and rather than focusing on our differences, I choose to start with what we share. This fosters understanding and respect.

Holding Hands with Strangers

The third element of belonging is learning to connect with those we don’t yet know. It’s easy to get comfortable in our own circles, but true belonging means widening that circle. I often joke that people can ruin a perfectly good day—especially if you’ve ever worked in customer service. My first job was in retail, and by the time I left, I had little hope for humanity! But I’ve learned that people are doing the best they can. If we can see past their behavior, we can connect on a deeper level.

This is why community spaces matter. When we gather—without the need to fix each other—we create opportunities for genuine connection. Simply listening to another person’s story can shift everything.

Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.

The last element is about balancing strength and vulnerability. A strong back means standing firm in your values. A soft front means staying open and kind. A wild heart means embracing the paradox of being both brave and afraid at the same time.

I’ve faced criticism in my community work. I’ve received nasty messages from people who later show up to my events. The world tells us to retaliate, but I’ve found that standing strong while remaining kind has led to unexpected softening in others.

Brené Brown’s definition of true belonging resonates deeply: True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.

Embracing the Wilderness

Belonging isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about being fully yourself. It’s about letting the rough edges of human connection refine you like sandpaper, revealing your true self beneath.

Jen Hatmaker describes this beautifully in Braving the Wilderness: Standing on the precipice of a wilderness is bone-chilling. The fear of losing our tribe can keep us from stepping out. But once we do, we discover that the wilderness is not empty—it is full of the bravest, most creative, and most authentic people.

So, my friends, if you feel like an outlier, a maverick, or someone who doesn’t quite fit, I encourage you to keep walking. Keep being brave. The wilderness is not barren—it is vibrant, and we are waiting for you.

Keep being brave, my friends.

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