Have you ever watched a community fall apart—not because of one big event, but because of whispers, alliances, and side conversations? This could be in your home between mom and dad who bring the kids into the issue, friends who pitch one another against each other, or students pitching parents against teachers.
This is the work of triangulation.
Triangulation happens when two people have an issue, but instead of facing each other, they bring in others. Suddenly, it’s not just a conflict—it’s a crisis. Sides are taken. Walls go up. Belonging breaks down.
It doesn’t just damage relationships; it poisons the atmosphere. The group that once felt like a community starts to feel unsafe and divided.
And here’s the hard truth: if no one stops the pattern, it spreads.
But there is good news. As leaders, we are the culture creators. We set the tone. We model the way forward. And we can interrupt the spiral of triangulation before it becomes toxic.
So how do we do it?
1. Share the Vision
Paint a picture of what your class, group, or community could be: a space of brave connection, where people talk to each other, not about each other. Keep this vision in front of people often.
2. Decide Together
Talk with your group about how you’ll handle conflict. What do we do when someone is upset? How do we speak about others when they’re not in the room? Make agreements together.
3. Follow Through
When the moment comes—and it always does—stick to what you said. Gently redirect people when they start pulling others into their triangle. Support people in having direct, respectful conversations.
4. Model a Different Way
The leader goes first. Speak directly. Stay kind and clear. Refuse to participate in gossip. Show what it looks like to hold boundaries with tenderness.
5. Name the Barriers
Sometimes, the group needs help seeing what’s happening. Talk openly: “I notice we’ve been talking around this issue instead of through it. Let’s reset.” Naming the pattern brings it into the light.
You can’t force people to behave differently—but you can make it easier for them to choose connection over conflict.
Triangulation might divide people. But brave leadership invites them back together.
It’s not easy work. But it’s possible. And it starts with you.
Ready to Lead a Culture of Belonging?
If you’re tired of toxic dynamics and ready to build a space where people feel seen, safe, and connected—join the 45-Day Belonging Challenge.
You’ll learn simple, powerful practices to:
- Navigate relational conflict with clarity and courage
- Build trust and emotional safety in your group
- Lead with empathy, strength, and integrity
Whether you lead a classroom, a team, a family, or a whole community—this challenge will equip you to create the kind of space everyone longs for.
👉 Join the 45-Day Belonging Challenge now by emailing me at Connie@conniejakab.com and saying, “I want in the challenge!”
Let’s move from division to brave connection—together.
Bravely Connected 
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