How to Breakthrough Overthinking

We all find ourselves stuck in mental loops sometimes—replaying conversations, stewing in frustration, or spiraling in anxiety. It’s called rumination, and while common, it’s also deeply damaging. It keeps us feeling powerless, trapped, and unable to move forward. But what if there were a simple tool to help us break free?

In this blog post, I want to offer you one powerful emotional intelligence tool that can move you from ruminating to responding—and it’s easier than you think.

The Trap of Rumination

Rumination is more than just overthinking. It locks us in emotional loops and can lead us to feel like victims of our circumstances. When the wellness world encourages us to “look within,” it often opens a Pandora’s box of emotion, trauma, and confusion. Many people avoid acknowledging how they really feel because they fear unraveling completely. As a friend once told me, “If I admit what I feel, I’ll end up in the nuthouse.”

That fear makes sense—especially if we don’t know how to move ourselves past our emotional loops. That’s why today, I’m sharing one simple step from my Bravely Connected Method that I use in my own life to stay emotionally steady and responsive, not reactive. This tool is not just for parents or teachers—it’s for anyone in any kind of relationship, including the one with yourself.

Why “Because” Keeps You Stuck

Here’s the shift I want you to make: stop saying “I feel… because.”

That little word—“because”—is one of the biggest culprits behind our rumination. Let me explain:

Let’s say I say, “I feel angry because you didn’t clean up your mess this morning.” That’s a sentence filled with blame. It places my emotions in someone else’s hands. It makes me powerless.

Or, “I feel anxious because Sally will be in the room today.” That sends me into a mental spiral of past drama, assumptions, and fear. Again, I’m trying to control the uncontrollable—Sally, her behavior, other people’s reactions—instead of focusing on what I can control: me.

Every time we use “because,” we tether our emotional state to someone or something outside ourselves. We start reacting instead of responding. We get locked into victim mode. And that’s not who we are.

A New Way to Talk About Feelings

So what do we say instead of “because”?

Try this: “I feel [emotion], and what it sounds like in my head is…”

This is a game-changer. When we replace “because” with this phrase, we start uncovering our subconscious thoughts—the silent sentences running beneath the surface that fuel our emotions and behaviors.

For example:

“I feel angry, and what it sounds like in my head is: I am overworked. I’m always cleaning up this house.”
“I feel anxious, and what it sounds like in my head is: I don’t belong if Sally is in the room.”

These thoughts may not be true—but they are real to your brain. And they’re powerful. Left unspoken, they form neural pathways that shape your beliefs, behaviors, and relationships.

The Power of Naming Your Inner Dialogue

When you identify the subconscious sentences behind your emotions, you bring them out of chaos and into clarity. They stop holding you hostage.

You might discover:

“I’m angry because I feel unseen and overworked.”
“I’m anxious because I fear rejection or being talked about.”

The moment you name that inner dialogue, you gain the power to choose how you want to respond. You move from reactivity to agency.

Step 3: Notice the Outcome Behaviors

After naming the emotion and identifying the subconscious thought, the next step is to ask:

“What behavior is this emotion and thought producing?”

For example:

“I stop going to my dance class because Sally is there.”
“I snap at my kids because I feel overwhelmed.”

Now, you get to ask the most empowering question:
“Is that what I want?”

You’re not a victim of Sally. You’re not doomed to stay overwhelmed. You are a powerful person who can make choices.

A Simple Framework for Emotional Clarity

To summarize:

Name your emotion. (“I feel angry.”)
Identify the thought behind it. (“And what it sounds like in my head is: I’m always doing everything around here.”)
Notice your behavior. (“I lash out. I feel resentful.”)
Choose how to respond. (“Do I want this to keep running the show? Or is it time to make a new choice?”)

This process builds emotional resilience, internal belonging, and clarity in your relationships. It helps you become a steady presence—not tossed around by the emotions of others or by your own inner storm.

Let Me Help You Practice

This isn’t just theory—I want to help you apply it.

Email me at connie@conniejakab.com with:

Your emotion
The subconscious sentence it sounds like
The behavior it produces

I’ll personally reply with feedback and next steps. It’s a free coaching gift to help you move forward, not stay stuck.

If you send me your response, I’ll also share a tool to help you move toward what you truly want—greater connection, calm, and courage.

Keep Being Brave

You have more power than you think. You can’t control Sally or your messy kids or that tense classroom—but you can control how you name, process, and respond to your emotions.

Let’s stay bravely connected—to ourselves, to others, and to the kind of life we truly want.

You’ve got this. Keep being brave.

Bravely Connected