In today’s world, people are searching for significance more than ever. Each of us wants to know that we matter, that we are part of something bigger, like an irreplaceable puzzle piece in a larger picture. Yet, connecting with others—whether at home, in schools, or in communities—feels increasingly vulnerable.
Public voices like Zach Mercurio around mattering and Jen Hatmaker, who has been bravely sharing her story, opening up about her marriage breakdown, shifts in faith, and personal reinvention. It takes deep courage to live with this level of honesty and to hold the complexity of many different kinds of people.
And yet, for many, isolation feels easier than connection. Social media makes it even simpler—we scroll, watch political rants, reinforce our own biases, and think, this is why I stay home. We retreat, not just physically, but emotionally, shutting down parts of our hearts even while surrounded by people at work, in classrooms, or in our own families.
This is the deeper form of isolation: not merely being alone, but shutting out the possibility of real connection.
Connection in Everyday Life
We often encourage lonely or isolated people to “just connect.” But after long periods of isolation, people often lose the ability—or even the courage—to connect at all.
I experienced this tension firsthand in a simple, everyday moment. While in a McDonald’s drive-thru, I accidentally cut off another driver. He immediately honked, shouted insults, and called me names. I had a choice: isolate, throw up walls, maybe even throw up my middle finger. Or, I could connect.
I chose to buy his meal.
Not out of pettiness or superiority, but as an act of compassion. Because behind the angry driver in a big white truck was a person with a story I didn’t know. Maybe he was going through something painful. Maybe not. But I wanted to respond with connection instead of isolation.
This small act reminded me of the paradox we live in. On one hand, we all agree, “You never know what someone is going through.” On the other, in moments of conflict, our first instinct is to defend, isolate, and retaliate. Each interaction gives us an opportunity: to connect or to put up a wall.
Bringing the Hurting Closer
Years ago, I wrote a book called Bring Them Closer, which tackled the mental health crisis among children. The inspiration came from a conversation with a psychologist about how to respond when a child is raging. As a mother, my instinct was to send my child to his room.
The psychologist corrected me: “No. You never send the hurting away. You bring them closer.”
But what does it mean to bring a hurting person closer in a world that constantly tells us to push toxic people away? For those who have experienced trauma, boundaries are essential. Yet, in many everyday conflicts, choosing connection over distance can transform relationships.
The Cost of Vulnerability
Recently, I experienced deep personal pain when someone I cared for, invested in, and invited into life-changing opportunities suddenly ended our relationship. Their message to me was blunt: “I’m done with inauthentic relationships”—and apparently, I was considered one of those. They blocked me without any chance for conversation or repair.
In that moment, I had the opportunity to feel rejected, to be offended, and to close myself off. But I reminded myself: this person has a story. Their trauma, their experiences, are shaping how they perceive me. I couldn’t change that.
And that’s the reality of connection: you will get hurt. Step out of your comfort zone, and at some point, you’ll face betrayal, rejection, or cruelty. Even those closest to you—partners, children, friends—will hurt you at times.
So the question becomes: Is love worth the risk?
Love Beyond Self-Love
The self-love movement teaches us to care for ourselves, and that’s important. But true healing and love cannot come only from within. They must also come from outside ourselves—through relationships, forgiveness, and even spirituality.
Many people shut down opportunities to be loved because they’ve been hurt by religion, faith communities, or people they trusted. But when we refuse to risk love again, we also refuse the growth and healing that come with it.
Love always requires risk. Without it, we risk something even greater: becoming self-absorbed, narcissistic, and disconnected from the beauty of real human connection.
Brave Connection in Community
The same principles apply in communities. When I first stepped out to create belonging and connection in my own community, I was terrified. These were my neighbours—people I’d see in the grocery store. The vulnerability felt raw.
And I did get hurt. I have been misjudged, misrepresented, and even targeted by rumours. People tried to force me to take sides or exclude others. There have been moments I have wanted to retreat back into my home, to stay safe and unseen.
But I’ve had to remind myself: this is what it means to step out. You will be misunderstood. You will be misrepresented. People will question your motives.
The real question is: will you stand for something greater than isolation? At the end of life, will you regret staying home, or will you be grateful that you pursued the dreams and connections in your heart? For me, love is always worth the risk.
HOW do you do this?
1. Recognize the Story Behind the Behaviour
Before reacting to frustration, anger, or withdrawal from others, pause and remember: everyone has a story.
- Ask yourself: What might this person be experiencing that I don’t know?
- Respond with curiosity rather than judgment.
- This mindset shifts your approach from isolation to empathy and opens the door for connection.
2. Step Into Brave Belonging
Connection requires vulnerability, even when it feels risky.
- Practice small acts of courage: a kind word, a note of appreciation, or listening without trying to “fix” the person.
- Accept that you will be misunderstood or hurt sometimes.
- Anchor yourself in your own sense of purpose and self-worth so that the fear of rejection doesn’t stop you from reaching out.
3. Bring the Hurting Closer
Rather than pushing away those who trigger or frustrate you, intentionally engage in ways that are safe and supportive.
- Set healthy boundaries while remaining present.
- Offer empathy, patience, or help when someone is struggling.
- Remember: connection isn’t about receiving validation—it’s about valuing both yourself and the other person.
Anchored Belonging
My identity doesn’t come from a group or from the approval of others. For me, it comes from something deeper—an anchor that is both within and beyond myself, rooted in a Creator who made me with purpose.
That anchor reminds me that every interaction is a choice: isolate or connect. Sometimes, boundaries are necessary. Not every relationship can remain in the closest circle of trust. But even so, the opportunity to choose love over isolation remains.
And it always begins with brave belonging.
I want to tackle HOW we do this on this blog. For you to step out of physical isolation, or isolation of the heart, what do you need? Let me know by emailing me at connie@conniejakab.com and I’ll cover it on the blog, which is also a podcast.
In the meantime, keep being brave to choose connection.
Bravely Connected 
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