Bravely Connected

When I write about anxiety, I’m not just talking about a diagnosis. I’m talking about something every one of us encounters — in our clients, our teams, our families, and often in ourselves. Understanding what anxiety really is (and isn’t) can completely change the way we serve and lead.

Why We Need to Talk About Anxiety

In nearly every setting I work in — schools, nonprofits, community programs, and workplaces — anxiety is the number one concern.

We see it in school avoidance, work avoidance, withdrawal, and shutdown. It’s not just a mental health issue; it’s a connection issue. Anxiety disconnects people from others, from themselves, and from their sense of belonging.

And when we, as helpers, don’t know what to do, we can unintentionally make things worse — often by trying to fix it, push through it, or minimize it. The truth is, the worst thing we can tell someone who’s anxious is “just get over it.”

So how do we respond differently?

1. Anxiety Is a Bodyguard

Anxiety often looks like the main problem — but it’s not. It’s a bodyguard protecting something deeper.

It might be guarding anger, shame, or fear. It might be shielding someone from feeling vulnerable, rejected, or unseen.

Think of the youth who refuses to attend a program or the employee who avoids meetings. On the surface, it looks like defiance or disengagement — but often, it’s anxiety protecting a deeper wound.

As leaders, we can start by asking ourselves:

• What might this anxiety be protecting?
• What story might be underneath?

Curiosity opens the door to compassion.

2. Anxiety Is an Alarm

Anxiety isn’t an enemy to silence — it’s an alarm meant to get our attention.

If you sprain your ankle, you stop and rest. But when anxiety sounds the alarm, most people push through or numb it. Over time, that neglect can lead to chronic stress or burnout.

For community leaders and case managers, this applies both to our clients and ourselves. When anxiety shows up, it’s usually saying:

“Something needs to be tended to — safety, belonging, rest, or connection.”

Listening to that alarm — instead of ignoring it — can transform how we approach our work.

3. Being Trauma-Informed Doesn’t Require a Psychology Degree

We hear it all the time: “Be trauma-informed.”

But being trauma-informed doesn’t mean becoming a therapist. It simply means leading with this question:

“What’s your story — from your perspective?”

Two people can experience the same event — poverty, loss, abuse, or family breakdown — and respond in completely different ways. Trauma lives in perception, not just experience.

As community workers, we don’t need all the answers. We just need to be safe people who are willing to listen to the story underneath the behaviour.

4. Gentle Care and Gradual Exposure

Old systems told people to “suck it up” and push through. That approach no longer works — especially for the majority who are living with chronic stress or trauma.

What works instead is gentle care and gradual exposure.

If someone can’t fully engage — a student can’t attend school, a client can’t show up for work, or a team member can’t face a meeting — start small.

Create small wins. Build momentum. Celebrate progress.

I know a principal who asked a struggling student to attend school for just one hour a day for two weeks. Slowly, they increased it. Within a month, the student was attending full time — not because of pressure, but because of safety and trust.

The same principle applies to community work. Whether it’s helping a client re-enter society, re-engage in work, or rebuild trust, we can take it one brave step at a time.

5. When Anxiety Masks Shame

So often, what looks like anxiety is actually shame in disguise.

Shame whispers, “You’re not enough.”
It tells leaders, “You’re not qualified to lead this team.”
It tells clients, “You’ll never change.”

Shame attacks our sense of worth — and when it does, anxiety floods in to protect us from exposure. That’s why people withdraw, procrastinate, or hide.

When we recognize shame beneath anxiety, we can respond differently — not with correction, but with connection.

6. The Healing Power of Belonging

The most powerful antidote to anxiety and shame is belonging.

Belonging says, “You’re safe here. You matter. We’ll work with you at your capacity.”

As leaders and helpers, we can cultivate belonging by:

• Seeing people — really seeing them.
• Naming their effort, not just their outcome.
• Creating spaces where mistakes and emotions are allowed.

When people feel seen, their anxiety softens. When they feel safe, their courage returns.

7. A Story of Courage

I’ll never forget my own experience with belonging.

Growing up, I was teased for my weight and called “Connie Chunk.” Years later, at 22, I joined my first hip-hop class — anxious, self-conscious, and standing in the back. When it came time to dance in the circle, I froze, did the simplest move possible, and told myself I’d never come back.

Then a girl beside me said, “Wow, that was courageous.”

That moment of encouragement changed my life. I went back to class — again and again — and eventually opened my own hip-hop company that gave at-risk youth a place to belong.

It all began with someone seeing me.

Encouragement Gives Courage

In two decades of working with young people and communities, I’ve learned this truth: encouragement gives courage.

Encouragement is the opposite of anxiety. It tells people, “You can do this. You’re not alone.”

You don’t need a certification to be trauma-informed. You just need to notice people. To look them in the eye and say, “You belong here.”

Keep Leading Bravely

If you’re a leader, teacher, or parent, I want to remind you: you are doing sacred work.

Keep being curious about what anxiety is protecting. Keep listening to the alarms. Keep creating spaces of belonging where courage can grow.

Together, let’s build communities where people don’t just survive — they feel seen, supported, and brave enough to thrive.

Keep being brave. Keep bringing them closer.