After 25 years of doing resilience and mental health work with parents, educators, and communities, I’ve learned something important: burnout doesn’t care what industry you’re in. It shows up everywhere.
This post is about how you learn to stay bravely connected to your own resilience. Whether you’re rebuilding neighbourhoods after a disaster or simply trying to get through your week without running empty, these tools are for you.
I want to share four strategies that go beyond the typical advice like “just breathe” or “get more sleep.” Don’t get me wrong—those matter. But these tools go deeper. These are the practices that, in my experience, actually move the needle when it comes to preventing burnout… or finding your way back from it.
Let’s start with the first one.
1. Stop Chasing Balance. Start Managing Energy.
We’ve all heard it before: work-life balance.
We’ve also all felt how impossible it sometimes sounds.
In seasons of intensity, the word “balance” can almost feel offensive. When everything feels overwhelming, being told to “balance better” is like being handed a steering wheel in a storm with no compass.
Instead, I encourage people to focus on energy management.
Energy management is not simply self-care. It’s something deeper and personal. It’s about knowing:
- What drains you
- What fuels you
- What tasks you can do for hours without feeling depleted
- What drains you in under 30 minutes
Some people work long hours and don’t burn out because their work energizes them. It gives them life. That doesn’t mean they never rest—it means they know how to regulate when and how they give their energy.
One practical way I do this is through chunking my time.
Right now, after three days of back-to-back networking from 7:30 AM until 10 PM, I’m sitting in my hotel room in my pajamas recording this. Not because I don’t love the energy of this conference—but because I know myself. I know my energy will not sustain me through the next 10 days if I don’t pause.
Chunking time means grouping similar tasks together instead of jumping between them all day.
Instead of answering emails, then switching to spreadsheets, then jumping to phone calls, then back to emails, you create specific time blocks. For example:
- Heavy thinking and decision-making in the morning
- Lighter tasks in the afternoon
- Checking email at specific times instead of all day
This reduces mental fatigue and allows your brain to work with flow instead of constant interruption.
The key here is self-awareness:
What energizes you?
What steadily drains you?
And how can you do more of the first and less of the second?
2. Understanding Your Capacity and Your Constraints
If you’ve ever worked with me before, you’ve probably heard me ask this:
What’s your capacity? And what are your constraints?
I first learned this concept from a business partner I co-own a dance company with. She used to ask me this all the time, and honestly—it annoyed me. I didn’t understand it. I just kept going until I physically couldn’t anymore.
But over time, I realized how powerful this question is.
Your Capacity: What You Can Grow
Your capacity is related to your energy, your skills, your gifting, and your delight.
What fuels you?
What do you have a natural passion for?
Where do you come alive?
Capacity can be built. For example, I’ve written four books after becoming a mother. People often ask me how that’s possible. The truth is—I didn’t sit down and write for hours a day. I wrote for 10 minutes a day. I chiseled away.
Capacity isn’t about doing more all at once.
It’s about doing a little consistently… and letting that grow.
And let’s talk about delight.
I actively move my life in the direction of delight. Not because everything is delightful—but because I choose to add delight wherever I can. A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, right?
For me, dance is a huge part of this. In my dance class, I’m not Connie the CEO, or Connie the podcast host, or Connie the recovery manager. I’m just another person moving to music. And that fills me up. That increases my capacity.
Your Constraints: Where You Must Be Honest
Constraints are your limitations.
They might be:
- Time
- Finances
- Health
- Energy
- Family responsibilities
And instead of fighting them, I encourage you to work within them.
When I had two young, vibrant, energetic boys, my constraint was time. I didn’t have an hour to write. I had ten minutes. So I worked inside that boundary instead of fighting it.
We burn out when we:
- Push past our constraints
- Work against our limitations
- Ignore the signals our life is giving us
But when we work with our constraints, something beautiful happens:
We enter into flow instead of friction.
And here’s one of my favorite truths:
We don’t create best in freedom.
We create best in constraint.
I’ve seen this in workshops where groups are asked to create something using only what’s in the room—no supplies, no tools, just what’s already there. The creativity that comes from those limitations is always incredible.
Because constraint doesn’t kill creativity—it activates it.
3. Make Two Lists: What You Can Control & What You Can’t
The next tool is simple but profoundly powerful.
Take a pen.
Take paper.
And make two lists.
List #1: What You Can Control
These are things where you have agency. You can take action on them.
For example:
- When you wake up
- When you go to bed
- What you eat
- How often you move your body
- What media you consume
- Your attitude
- How long you scroll social media
These are controllables because you can act on them.
Example: If sugar is giving you brain fog, you can choose not to eat sugar today.
That’s control.
That’s agency.
List #2: What You Cannot Control
This list includes the things you have absolutely no grip on.
You can’t force them.
You can’t manipulate them.
You can’t will them to change.
And many of us try to spend our energy here… which is one of the fastest paths to burnout.
When you look at your “uncontrollable” list, these are things that are simply being done to you:
the climate, economic shifts, other people’s decisions, global events, or even the weather outside your window.
I can’t control the climate.
I can’t control that it’s snowing today.
So instead of creating an action plan for things I cannot change, I create a coping plan.
For example, I may not like that it’s snowing, but I can still go for a walk because I know I need to be outside for my mental health. The only difference is that now I’ll put on proper outdoor gear so I don’t freeze. I adjust how I show up to the situation rather than trying to change the situation itself.
And this distinction matters — because this is where resilience actually lives.
We live in a culture that tries to eliminate all uncertainty and all discomfort. We believe that if we can just control everything, we will be mentally well. But control is not resilience.
Resilience is knowing:
Even when I’m out of control, I know how I’m going to manage myself.
The true definition of mental health is this:
The ability to adapt to reality.
The definition of mental illness is when I demand that reality adapts to me.
Let that land.
Resilience grows when you:
- Name what you can control and take action on it
- Name what you can’t control and develop coping strategies for it
That process alone strengthens your inner stability and keeps you from spiraling into burnout or chaos.
4. Anchor Yourself in Your Strengths
The final tool I want to share is this:
Anchor yourself in your strengths.
Not your weaknesses.
Not what you lack.
Not the areas where you fall short.
True resilience is built on what you already have.
During one of the hardest seasons of my life, when things were not going well at all, I did something simple:
I wrote down all of my main strengths.
Not in my head.
On paper.
And beside each strength, I wrote the opportunity I had to exercise that strength in the middle of my struggle.
For example:
- I realized I am brave.
I discovered that through deep pain. And because I am brave, I have the opportunity to overcome and stay standing even when life feels heavy. - I realized I am creative.
And because of that, when I face problems, I can go for a walk, think outside the box, and find solutions. - I realized I am compassionate.
And in seasons where I feel out of control, I can redirect that energy into helping others.
And when I did this, I was amazed by how resourceful I actually was.
But I needed to write it down.
Because if you don’t write it down, you’ll forget.
Don’t just list your external skills — list your internal strengths:
- Courage
- Compassion
- Faithfulness
- Creativity
- Perseverance
- Gentleness
- Resilience
- Wisdom
Then ask:
Where do I get to exercise this right now?
Strength in Action: Resilience Through Community
I’m seeing this play out clearly in my own community.
Right now, many people around me are struggling financially. And yes, I feel that too. But instead of sitting in frustration, I’ve decided to use my strength in business-building to help others.
We’re hosting a local market to give people a chance to sell their goods.
We’re running a mini shark tank where community members can pitch their business ideas for microgrants.
People ask, “Where is all this money coming from?”
And honestly — I just started a GoFundMe and invited people to give $20 for someone else’s dream.
That’s it.
But here’s the key part:
I am doing this within my constraints, not outside of them.
I know my energy.
I know my capacity.
I give once a week — not every day — because that’s what is sustainable.
I put my oxygen mask on first.
Then I serve.
And it gives me life instead of draining it.
Looking Inward… So You Can Look Outward
A lot of mental wellness messaging today is very individualistic — and self-awareness is important. You do need to look inward:
- To know what drains you
- To know what fuels you
- To know your capacity
- To recognize your constraints
But healing doesn’t end there.
Resilience deepens when you also look outward.
Purpose, meaning, and strength grow when you start asking:
How can I show up for someone else — without losing myself?
And this is what I mean by being Bravely Connected.
It’s the courage to:
- Stay connected to yourself
- Know your limits
- Honor your energy
- And still stay open to others and to service
That’s where sustainable resilience lives.
Final Thoughts: Keep Being Brave
Whether you are:
- A parent
- An educator
- A leader
- Or someone navigating disaster recovery
These four tools are for you:
- Manage your energy instead of chasing balance
- Know your capacity and your constraints
- Separate what you can control from what you can’t
- Anchor yourself in your strengths
My hope is that these help you keep showing up in the spaces you are called to be in — without burning out.
Keep being brave.
Keep staying connected.
And keep choosing resilience, one small step at a time.
Did you know that this blog is also a podcast? You can check out the Bravely Connected Podcast on Spotify or Apple.
Bravely Connected 
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