Overwhelm has become so normalized that many of us don’t even notice we’re living in it — until something cracks. The holidays, in particular, tend to amplify it. More events, more expectations, more comparison, more pressure. It’s a lot.

But here’s a hard truth I’ve had to tell myself again and again:

My overwhelm is up to me.

Of course, there are real circumstances outside our control — work demands, family responsibilities, unexpected crises. But overwhelm often comes from the expectations we place on ourselves, the pressure to be everything to everyone, and the stories we tell ourselves about falling short.

And underneath all of that?
Something deeper is at play.

Shame: The Hidden Culprit Behind Overwhelm

Whenever our expectations aren’t met — whether those expectations come from us or others — shame enters the story.

Shame whispers:

• “You’re not enough.”
• “You don’t have enough time.”
• “Your family doesn’t look like theirs.”
• “You’re always falling short.”

These thoughts fuel overwhelm. They push our brains into chaos. And the evidence shows up in our behavior:

• scatterbrained moments
• avoidance
• irritability
• snapping at loved ones
• frustration
• shutting down

These behaviours are not failures. They’re signals from your internal system. And those signals matter.

The Attune-In Process: A Path Back to Clarity

Before we jump into tools, it’s important to grow your awareness through a simple three-step process:

1. Name the emotion.
   “I feel overwhelmed.”
2. Identify the thought behind it.
   Listen for the shame-based sentences. “I’m not as good as everyone else.”
3. Notice the resulting behavior.
   What is that thought producing in your actions? Things like avoidance, lashing out, impatience…

Awareness is the gateway to meaningful change. Without it, tools become band-aids. With it, tools become transformative.

Five Practical Tools to Reduce Overwhelm

1. Simplify Everything

Ask yourself:
How can I make this more simple?

If hosting a big dinner feels overwhelming, simplify the menu.
If decorating the house becomes a stressor, scale it back.

Simplicity creates space.

2. Break Everything Into Baby Steps

Instead of trying to finish a project in one go, break it down into tiny, doable actions.

“Today I’m just going to buy groceries.”
“That’s it.”

Baby steps reduce pressure and prevent last-minute panic.

3. Be Realistic About Time

Most people, especially high-capacity people, underestimate how long tasks take. And interruptions — kids, life, unpredictability — are always part of the equation.

Choose one focus item at a time and build in breathing room. It’s not lowering your standards — it’s honouring reality.

4. Use the One-Thing Rule

Every morning ask:
If I could only get ONE thing done today, what would it be?

Do that.
Then identify the next one thing.
Let everything else wait.

This brings clarity and prevents overwhelm from hijacking your day.

5. Return to Your Values

Sometimes you just need to step away and ask:
What really matters to me?

If your calendar, decisions, or obligations aren’t aligned with your values, take a step back. Remove what doesn’t fit.

Many people live in reaction mode instead of response mode. Values bring you back to intentional living.

Meeting the Real You

If you’ve experienced trauma or complexity in your life, these skills may feel harder. Start small.
Get to know the version of you beneath the expectations, beneath the shame, beneath the overwhelm.

As I’ve practiced this over the last five years, I’ve discovered a truer version of myself — the one who gets overwhelmed, who hears shame’s whispers, who reacts sometimes not because anyone is doing anything wrong, but because my internal world is overloaded.

By acknowledging that version of myself, I’ve become more grounded, more present, and more connected to the people I love.

Because at the end of the day, I don’t care if I have Chinese food on Christmas.
I don’t care if my tree is perfect.

What I care about is connection — with my boys, my husband, my community, and myself.

What Is Overwhelm Robbing You Of?

Overwhelm steals things that matter most — presence, joy, connection, peace.
But you can reclaim them by choosing small, intentional steps.

Break away from the invisible standards of social media.
Return to your values.
Reconnect with what actually matters.

Your brave connection comes not from performing but from knowing your purpose and identity.

You are beloved.
You are enough.
Stay brave.

Did you know this blog is also a Podcast? You can listen to my Bravely Connected Podcast on Spotify or Apple