Bravely Connected

“What’s It Like to Be on the Other Side of Me?”

A few months ago, I was working out at the gym, listening to one of my favorite leadership podcasts—the Maxwell Leadership Podcast. I appreciate how practical John Maxwell is, and in this particular episode, a guest shared a simple but profound phrase that stopped me in my tracks:

“What’s it like to be on the other side of me?”

I don’t even remember the rest of the podcast. That question alone was enough.

Immediately, I felt vulnerable. If I asked my kids that question, they would tell me the truth. If I asked my husband, he would tell me the truth. And the reality is—sometimes we’re not ready for that truth. But if we’re going to ask for honest feedback, we have to be prepared to receive it.

Feedback as a Mark of Culture Creators

In Bravely Connected Communities, we talk a lot about being culture creators—leaders who are willing to shape environments where growth, honesty, and belonging can coexist. A core part of that is being open to feedback.

Right now, we’re running a Culture Creators course in my community with leaders who are already doing incredible work. We’re offering it as a beta, intentionally inviting feedback as we go. Partway through the course, I reached out to one of my board members and asked her how she felt it was going.

She’s someone I deeply value because she’s both encouraging and honest. She’ll tell me what’s working—and where we can grow. She affirmed many of the strengths of the course, but she also offered an important reflection. She reminded me that while we teach about being a powerful person and managing ourselves, we need to be careful not to unintentionally communicate, “If you don’t like me, that’s your problem.”

That comment stayed with me.

Repair, Resilience, and the Role of Feedback

It reminded me that feedback is part of repair—and repair is at the heart of resilience. Resilience isn’t about never getting things wrong. It’s not about perfect relationships or flawless leadership. It’s about how we repair when something feels off.

Whether we’re parents, partners, teachers, or community leaders, we need to be open to feedback. That openness is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

So I want to offer you a practice that can strengthen self-awareness, deepen trust, and support healthier repair.

The Exercise: Starting With Yourself

The first level of this exercise is the safest place to begin: with yourself.

Self-awareness is one of the greatest gifts we can offer the people around us. When we’re self-aware, feedback from others doesn’t come as such a shock—we may already sense what they’re experiencing.

As leaders, we go first.

The practice looks like this: you name what you believe it’s like to be on the other side of you. You might say, “On the other side of me, I imagine this might be your experience.”

Choose one thing. Don’t list everything. And most importantly, approach this without judgment, shame, or self-loathing. This isn’t about tearing yourself down. It’s about being objective.

Start with how people experience you positively—because they do. Then, gently name how they might experience you in other ways.

A Personal Example

If I were doing this exercise, I might say something like this:

“On the other side of me, I imagine my positivity can be very motivating. It can help people feel like anything is possible. It can encourage, strengthen, and rally people together when things feel heavy.”

“And—I can also imagine that my positivity can be a lot sometimes. It might feel overwhelming. It might cause a few eye rolls. It might even feel annoying.”

That reflection isn’t good or bad—it’s honest.

From there, I would ask the group: What feels true about what I just shared?

The beauty of this approach is that it gives others permission to be honest without being cruel. If I’ve already named it, they don’t have to feel like they’re attacking me by agreeing. Some people might resonate deeply with that experience; others might not at all—and that’s okay too.

Creating Safety Through Clear Guidelines

If you’re facilitating this exercise—especially in classrooms or groups without a strong foundation in healthy communication—guidelines are essential.

Feedback needs to remain objective, not emotional or attacking. There’s a big difference between:

• “That’s so annoying,”
  and
• “I’ve experienced moments where that felt like a lot for me.”

Without clear parameters, this exercise can quickly go sideways. With them, it can become incredibly grounding and connective.

Knowing When (and When Not) to Go Deeper

Trust matters.

In lower-trust environments, this first level of self-reflection is enough. It’s gentle, safe, and powerful on its own. In high-trust teams—ones that regularly engage in honest reflection—you might choose to go further and invite others to directly share what it’s like to be on the other side of you.

But please hear this clearly: do not attempt that level without deep trust. It will damage relationships rather than strengthen them.

Agency is also key. One way to build trust is to make participation optional. When people know they’re not being forced, they’re more likely to lean in when it feels safe.

Building the Trust That Makes This Possible

Trust doesn’t come from one exercise—it’s built over time.

One way to build it is by consistently noticing strengths. In my own leadership, I spend the majority of my time—about 70%—naming what’s strong rather than what’s wrong. Constructive feedback matters, but if people only ever hear what they need to fix, that doesn’t build self-awareness. It builds shame.

If your environment has been heavy on correction and light on affirmation, start there. Call out strengths. Celebrate what’s working. What’s strong duplicates.

Another powerful trust-builder is story.

The Power of Story and Seeing One Another Clearly

I’m recording this as I drive home from Jasper, where I spent time with our team supporting community recovery work. Some of my most meaningful moments weren’t in meetings or plans—they were around the table at the end of the day, listening to people share their stories.

I heard things about their lives I had never known. Those moments changed how we saw one another.

We don’t always get opportunities like that, especially in busy community or organizational work. But when we intentionally create space for story—even occasionally—it allows us to see one another more fully, more accurately, and with greater compassion.

Why Time Is the Missing Ingredient in Trust

Story and strength-spotting—those are the two foundational ways to build trust. But neither of them works if they’re treated as one-off moments. Trust has to be built regularly and relationally.

If you’re not meeting with your kids beyond surface interactions—if it’s not more than a quick “let’s grab a slurpee”—or if you’re not talking with students in the hallway during lunch, or sitting down with your team one-on-one on a consistent basis, I would strongly caution against doing anything feedback-related.

When people don’t know you, they don’t know your heart. And when they don’t know your heart, they don’t trust you.

This is one of the biggest gaps I’m noticing in our world right now. We want outcomes. We want results. We want connection, belonging, and strong relationships—but we don’t want to put in the time.

And friends, I’m afraid the time is the work.

You Can’t Shortcut Self-Awareness

The reason so many individuals, families, teams, and communities are struggling with self-awareness isn’t because they lack tools or insight. It’s because trust hasn’t been built deeply enough to support honest reflection.

Exercises like the one I shared at the beginning—asking “what’s it like to be on the other side of me?”—can be incredibly powerful. But they only work when they’re held inside real relationship. Without that foundation, they don’t build awareness; they create harm.

That’s why investing time matters so much. Time builds trust. Trust creates safety. Safety allows honesty. And honesty is where growth actually happens.

Passing It On to Culture Creators—and to You

I’ll be offering this activity to our Culture Creators course, and I wanted to pass it on to you as well. Whether you choose to try the exercise itself or begin with the trust-building work—meeting one-on-one, hearing people’s stories, consistently naming strengths—I would love to hear how it goes.

If you try it, let me know what you notice.
If you start smaller, let me know what shifts.

You can reach me by email at Connie@Conniejakab.com. And if you have a story to share, I’d even love to invite you onto the podcast sometime to talk about it.

Keep Being Brave

This kind of connection work is gritty. It’s not clean or easy. It takes time, humility, and courage.

But it’s also deeply needed.

So keep going. Keep showing up. Keep investing the time. Keep being brave.

Because bravely connected people are how families heal, teams grow, and communities move forward—together.