Bravely Connected

The hardest parts of our lives take bravery. It takes our willingness to find our inner grit. I talk a lot about being a brave leader, but I’ve noticed people who usually don’t see themselves as leaders. People like parents, (even though you’re only raising the next generation), or teachers (who only have influenced everyone you see today), and entrepreneurs (who bring new ideas to solve problems and lead change in our world). No biggie. So to answer your question if you’re any one of these: YES you are a leader.

Today I’m going to get vulnerable, and walk you through my own journey of needing to lead something brave. Have you ever thought, “I would love to___________”? Often to get from idea to being able to do this is a huge leap. As soon as you start to move towards what you desire, you’ll find out what your barriers are. Many don’t know how to work through these barriers so they simply freeze.

I’m presently having to break down my own barriers and fears and so I thought I would share with you how I’m doing that so you can be brave for whatever you’re leading too. The bravery I need to launch my new idea is no different than the bravery you need to:

Parent your child.

Teach your class.

Launch that idea.

So, here’s how I’m moving past fear.

1. Identify your toxic thoughts

When you think about stepping out into what you would love to do, the barriers that come up often reveal the toxic thoughts swimming around in our subconscious. When I think of launching this community I’m about to start, the thought that goes through my head is, “This is going to fail. This is going to explode in my face.” This reveals my toxic thought. It’s limiting me, and could even paralyze me from taking action if I let it. (By the way, one of the most powerful tools I have found in combatting this is the Neurocycle App)

My thoughts lead me to emotions and behaviours that are trying to help me. I need to listen to them. When I’m afraid, my behaviours are often to withhold, I don’t trust, I don’t put all my cards on the table. My emotions are fear of humiliation.

What about you? What toxic thoughts are swimming in your subconscious? What emotions and behaviours does it lead to?

2. What is your perspective?

We all have perspectives that have been formed by the experiences of our lives. My perspective around what I’m about to do is that I’m tried it before but it exploded in my face. There was disappointment and hurt, and therefore this will end in disappointment and hurt again. Just because I have this perspective, doesn’t make it reality. Once I can identify my perspective, I can move towards seeing things more clearly.

What perspective do you have? How is it creating barriers for you?

3. What’s your language?

I started to notice fear language coming out of my mouth lately. I noticed my words were guarded and full of self-preservation. Noticing your language, even subtle language, shows what you’re thinking.

How are you speaking these days? What does it reveal? How are you speaking to yourself?

4. What are your triggers

Listing what triggers bring up your fear, your toxic thoughts, emotions, and behaviours puts you in control rather than in reaction-mode. For me, my triggers are feeling stupid, or if I feel people think I’m chaotic – just running with another idea in the wind with no strategic thought. Those often lead me to feeling like I’m going to fail.

When we learn to move past our triggers, we will find fear in our rear view mirror. I don’t want my triggers to define me. One of the greatest ways I’ve moved past my own triggers is by remembering that I get to choose how I risk. No one is twisting my arm. If I’m risking, I’m choosing it. You have a choice how you risk today. No one is telling you that you have to be brave.

What are your triggers that lead you to fear? Can you list them?

5. What would the “old me” do?

The old Connie would crumble over anyone who would question me. Concerned looks from others would make me doubt myself. I would then sit down and stay silent. But I’m not that girl anymore. I don’t fall into fear and doubt when someone doesn’t approve of my ideas.

What would the “old you” do? By naming this, it naturally leads us to what’s next.

6. What would the “new me” do?

The truth is, I have built foundation to be able to handle difficult people. I can separate my mood from others. I have strengths that have been developed that can be transferred to this new adventure.

How would the old you handle this compared to now? Where have you grown? What strengths have been built in you that can be transferred to this new challenge? You are so much more than your limiting thoughts.

7. What would I wished I would have done?

If I was looking back on my life in the future, what would I wished I would have done? Asking myself this question is when I realized I’m willing to risk. There’s something about the perspective of the end of our life looking back that can help us measure how much this matters to us. This is where we learn what’s worth fighting for in our lives, in our homes, in our classrooms.

I realized that if I could give myself advice from the finish line of my life I would say, “GO FOR IT!” “TRY!” “Don’t be afraid to fail.”

What about you? What would you wished you would have done? What advice is your future self giving you?

8. Name what’s uncertain

What feels uncertain is swimming around in our mind causing us all kinds of confusion. When we list all that’s uncertain, it takes the confusion out. It makes us feel more in control.

Before I wrote down all that was uncertain on a list, I felt like I was sinking in a deep ocean of doubt. Once I listed as many as I could, I could see clearly what I can control and create action around it, and what was out of my control and how I would cope with that.

When you list out all that is uncertain, what comes up?

9. What would my life look like if I didn’t have this fear?

This is a powerful exercise in imagination. I wrote in my journal that I would step out boldly into what I want to lead in this world to make it a better place for parents and teachers. I would bring people of all different backgrounds to eat together at the table and break diving walls. I would risk to love people, and myself!

I would know that I’m loved and I’m held and I would be able to do that for others. I would look for more meaningful connection. I would have more love and joy in my life. I would take less offence and be more curious.

Then I wrote this: “Love is a risk worth taking. When you walk through the valley of heartache, you build bravery to keep loving people. I need to allow people to be “people”. They will stumble and fail. I know this because I’m one of them. I’m not putting my worth or approval in the hands of others any longer. I can say “no” when it’s hard with healthy boundaries. It’s not about “if” people will be hurtful, but how much am I willing to stand in my brave belonging.

For you, what would your life look like if you didn’t have this fear?

10. The 3 to 1 ratio

Created by Dr Carol Dweck, who came up with what we know as the growth mindset. She states that for every negative thought, we need three positive ones to combat it. I took my negative thought of, “This is going to fail”, and listed out three positive thoughts:

• I’m brave to love and lead
• My worth doesn’t come from whether I succeed or not
• I’m a powerful person who can manage me

Many try and do this strategy alone, but notice all the other strategies that came before this one? Without deeper foundation, I find this one falls short.

What are three positive statements you could make?

My worth doesn’t come from whether I succeed or not

This has given me courage to lead brave in my home, in the education system, in my business, and in my new adventure of bringing people together. I hope this blog post has been helpful. You can also listen to it on Spotify, Apple, or watch on YouTube.

I want to help you be brave too. You may be wanting to be brave but not sure how. I am hosting a FREE webinar on April 15, 2024 on my 6 pillars to find your Inner Brave! You can register free by clicking here, or if you can’t make it, or you’re reading this blog after the date, message me by clicking here and say, “Send me the Find Your Inner Brave Recording” and I’ll send that right to you.

Remember, you have what it takes to be brave. Be free, friend.